This Christmas will be the last Christmas we will be waiting on our daughter to be home! This Christmas will be the last one where I feel my heart torn between two sides of the world, between wanting to be in two places at the same time! I am struggling this year with living in the moment and making memories with and for my children, and spending every moment wishing Kailin was here making the memories with us.
Since we started our adoption almost 3 years ago, we have gotten an ornament at Christmas to signify the adoption in some way. The first two years our ornaments were Africa-shaped and themed, but this year we got to do something different! We found this ornament on another person's adoption fundraiser website and immediately we knew this was perfect! She is waiting in China for us and we are waiting here for her! (Last Christmas, baby girl, next year you'll be home!)
I also have a sweet friend through our China adoption FB group who sent us these two Chinese ornaments and I love these too! Kailin was born in 2012, the year of the Dragon, so this one is perfect. And panda bears are huge in China (we might even get to visit a panda zoo), so that one is cool too!
I'm not trying to be melodramatic always talking about how much my heart is torn and how much I miss Kailin, but seriously, it's one of the most intense feelings I have felt in a long time! I can't really relate it to anything, even when I was pregnant and I wanted to hold my baby, in some way, I still was and I was still with my child and getting to know them while they were in my womb. My heart breaks for Kailin that she had to spend another Christmas alone (without a forever family), but I know it will be her last.
We have a CD with this song on it and I haven't listened to it much this year, for obvious reasons, but every time I do I just start crying. Can't wait till she's home!!
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